Father's day Special : Breaking Fatherhood Stereotypes

Father's day special

Our story has a hero, who works behind the scenes to make it perfect and he is called DAD. On this occasion of Father's day, we want to give a big round of applause to all the fathers out there.  No matter how tall we grow we will always look up to you!!

To celebrate this day, we have with us, Mr. Tejas Buch. He is a super dad like all the other dads and he has so much to share about parenting and so many insights into a dad's life.

Q.  Okay so, there is a stereotype that dads display emotions a little less than moms. What is your opinion on this?

Yes, there is a stereotype, but I don't think fathers do not display emotions. It's just that males are programmed in a different way to emote. Whenever we feel like we are unable to communicate our feelings we ask our better halves to communicate on our behalf to the kids. Nowadays things are becoming even more transparent. There is a part of the kid's life where the parents are more of a watchdog, they have to discipline the kid and give the personality a shape. But there is also the part where parents become friends to the kids. So in both of those situations, the emotions you display is different. As compared to the earlier times fathers these days are really trying to display all their emotions and nurture the kids in their way. So yes, I think it's very important to show and share all your emotions to the kids.

Q. Dads are considered the rock-solid shoulder to a child, so in this situation how are you dealing with anxiety or confusion in kids?

There is a lot of anxiety around how this current situation will turn out in the next few months and we are all trying to deal with that on a personal level. However, these days parenting has taken a whole new shape. The parents are trying to cut through the gender bias and share equal responsibility in everything. I and my wife are both working parents and we share every role equally.

We don't want our kid to have the impression that the father is the more reliable or important of the two in any way or any other stereotype. We want him to grow in a completely gender bias-free surrounding because that's the kind of person we want him to be. So, in a nutshell, we both are rock solid shoulders to him and we want to keep it this way only.

Q. Everyone is doing work from home. So it is difficult to explain to the kids that "Why are parents not being able to play with them despite being at home?" What is your advice on that?

This has happened a lot of times in this lockdown but I think communication is the key through this. We have our entire day planned out as both I and my wife are working. In the morning our soon is usually busy getting ready for his zoom classes and then during his classes one of us has to be present to help him with the activities so we decide that beforehand and make our time table accordingly.

This situation is new to almost every industry, so even the clients or the bosses know that since we are working from home there will be some disturbance. So there are times when I am on a video call with the clients and my son starts playing peek-a-boo or he tries to get into the frame. The clients on the other end also understand the situation and they are not at all formal about it. 

So yes, our entire week is planned out but even then if there is any change in schedule we work our way around that. This situation is so new and rare, that we need to evolve through it. The attitude towards it and communication are two very important things to sail through this.

Q. If your child starts throwing stuffed animals on you or on the device whilst you are in a meeting, how do you deal with that?

This has happened a lot of times with me too. So what I do is, I use the feature of microphone mute and camera off on video calls and then I try explaining to him, "Right now I am working, just give me 10 minutes then we will have a lot more fun together". But the thing is to not forget to have fun alongside all the other responsibilities that you need to fulfill. I personally believe that when I look back in life there should be memories filled with fun and enjoyment.

So due to this zoom calls or more specifically video calls, there are posts from all around the world how people are adding fun in those mundane everyday schedules. Even the most boring things can be fun with a change in attitude. No matter what we do in life, there should always be a time for enjoyment and liberation.

Q. A lot of parents are opposed to schools opening anytime this year. But do you think it is fair to deprive kids of that joy and not let them go out, meet their friends?

Since this is a health hazard, we have to be careful. The situation has a lot of aspects to it and not even the most renowned health institutes are completely sure of anything. But we know that this virus affects the kids and the senior citizens the most, so I think prevention is much better than cure. It's been 70 days in lockdown and it is not humanly possible to stay at home at all times. There are times when we take our son out for a drive or to a walk but in a controlled environment.

We try to refrain from having contact with any third person, we also ask him to not touch anything and we guard him in masks, sanitizers, etc. In this situation, a lot of things have changed. If I talk about myself, I have not eaten from outside for 70 days even though all my favorite restaurants are delivering and some of my friends are ordering on a daily basis. But that's a risk I don't want to take right now. So when kids see the parents doing the same, they understand the gravity of the situation.

Q. How do you explain your kid the current situation? And how deadly the virus is?

We as grown-ups think that kids don't listen very carefully or they don't understand a lot of things. However, I believe that kids are very attentive and they try to listen and understand whatever is going around them. Even in this situation, we all try to explain to my son how things have changed, how nobody is going to the office, how he is unable to go to preschool through a medium of stories. There are times when he really misses going to the park, so at that time I take him on a drive and show him a lot of parks on the route. When he sees for himself that no one is out there playing, he understands that something is going on. My son loves the swings, so we had a toy swing suspended in the house so that he doesn't feel like he is missing out on his favorite thing. However, it is important to make your kid fully aware of the danger and continuously reminding them to stay safe.

Q. How do you prepare your little one for the world outside?

In my opinion, there are certain qualities or personality traits that every kid must be taught from the very beginning. Punctuality, respecting each life, being polite are some of the evergreen traits. As we know currently these "good habits" are eroding but somewhere I believe that the world is going to acknowledge their importance once again. So in terms of personality, I want my kid to focus on these evergreen traits that never go out of fashion.

I also try to teach my son a lot about the environment and how we are constantly polluting it. We try to inculcate environment-friendly habits in him. However with kids, you have to Walk the Talk, so I and my wife first display those habits in our everyday behavior like not leaving taps open, putting the dirty water from the purifiers into the plants or not wasting food, and many more such habits. So he observes and he learns. In the post-COVID world, hygiene and eating healthy food is going to become all the more important. As of now all we can do is stick to the basics and stay safe.

Q. With the nuclear family culture coming up a lot of kids have forgotten the beauty of being with your grandparents. How would you guide them?

All of those who are getting to stay with their grandparents or even are being able to frequently visit them, please cherish the bond. Your grandparents have seen a change in the era and they have the most amazing life experiences to tell you. Yes, they might not be able to catch up on today's trends but the stories they have in store are even more interesting. They are the perfect example of Old is Gold. Go out with them, have dinners with them, click photographs, talk to them about yourself. We all know how uncertain life is and you definitely don't want to miss out on the Beautiful experience of spending time and cherishing your grandparents. The games, the series they are going to keep changing from time to time but it is very important to take out time from your life and live those moments with the ones who truly love you.

Q. Any words of wisdom to the parents out there who are struggling between work and being a parent?

I have seen first-time parents trying really hard to be perfect in every way and being extremely critical if they fail to do so. They constantly question their own abilities as a parent or whether they can efficiently balance between work and life. Here, I just want to say that parents should not push themselves so much. There are no clear definitions of a good parent or a bad parent, everyone has their unique style of parenting and the kids also adapt to the same. If at times your work demands more commitment from your side, give it your hundred percent. But whenever you are free from that side of life, spend those moments with your kids completely. Striking a balance between everything is very important and that is what I do. You can talk to your partner if you need their support or you need them to pitch in. So it is very important to enjoy parenting and that can happen only when you let go of the anxiety. The most important thing is to have a wholesome bond with the kid.

Stay Tuned Stay Relevant!

Follow him on Instagram @dadmansuperdad for more insights!