Children learn what they see by Venus Bharadwaj

Children have a habit of following adults. Today we are going to talk about how children "do what they see" around them. Our guest speaker today will be telling us how children are easily influenced by what happens around them.

Hello, everyone, we are back with another live session and today we have with us Mrs Venus Bharadwaj as our guest speaker. Our topic for today's live session is "Children learn what they see".

Before starting the live, I would like to tell you a little about Ezyschooling. Ezyschooling is a company which is at present working with 150+ schools in Delhi to make their admission process simpler.  We also have a parent community who receive guidance from us in resolving different types of parenting issues. Our founder Mr Mayank Jain has created this community with 15000+ parents to resolve parenting querries.

Hello, ma'am welcome to our live. Tell us something about yourself.

Hello, my name is Venus Baradwaj and I'm a mom blogger and mom influencer. My Insta page is Kavyashi_littleangel. It is named after my daughter who is 1.9 years old. She is the reason why I started this channel and now I'm in love with my job.

So I was going through your Insta page and I must say I love the activities you do with your child.

Yes, she is a major drama queen and has a lot of temper tantrums like other toddlers. It's like all kids behave this way.

So today we are going to discuss the impact of the environment on the child. 

My first question to you is how important is to behave properly in front of a child?

 Basically, children understand everything. No matter what the age of the child is, they are always able to understand what you say around them. We sometimes just assume that they don't. This is the biggest mistake parents make. They do understand everything we do or say. For example, when I wear a mask my daughter will immediately understand that I am going somewhere. They grasp things very easily. She remembered that I wear a mask whenever I got out. 

When kids are young we need to interact with them. How does talking help in making them understand what we say?

Communication plays a very big role. Communication includes what language you use, your tone and your words. Every aspect of communication is important. When she was in my womb I used to talk to her. Sometimes I feel that she remembers that I used to do that. This means that they understand everything even in their initial stage. I have an example. When she was young I used to say "mum mum" when I gave her water. That's why when she got older she started calling water "mum mum". I realised that it was my mistake that she misplaced those words. If I had told her that it was called water, she would have named it correctly. These things matter. They give us back what we give them.

It's very important to inculcate good habits in them. What is the role of parents in this matter?

Good habits have a very big definition. First, we must teach them the meaning of the word "no". I used to say no to her all the time. Then I realised that she might just do it thinking that I say no to everything. Now I say no to her in a roundabout way. I actually explain to her why I am asking her not to do it. For example, when we kept our balcony door open, she used to run to close it. Then I explained to her that she doesn't need to run, she could just tell to do it. So now when she sees us near the door she tells us to close it. We have to teach them. If you do not give them reasons they will start having tantrums. Toddlers have very sharp minds. They think that if we are not allowing them to do something it must be interesting.

So it's important to monitor your child's activities.

Yes, they need to be supervised. They will always need someone to look after them till they grow up. Even when I'm away I always appoint someone to keep an eye on my daughter. They are very enthusiastic and energetic. They want to do something all the time which can be dangerous sometimes.

Children sometimes pick up bad habits at a tender age. How do you deal with that?

Yes, kids can sometimes develop bad habits. They can mess with their food, run away from their parents, etc. Toddlers need to be warned multiple times to make them remember. It's like a mantra for parents to keep on repeating till your child understands. When we keep repeating something to them, after a time they will make peace with it.

So they start understanding that no mama said not to do this.

Yes. But sometimes, I let her do what she wants. She would want to walk on the street or climb on furniture. I do let her go because if she doesn't face the consequences she will not understand why I was stopping her before. So it's better to let them experience it while making sure it's not too risky for them. A psychologist once said, "Toddlers learn best by experiences".

Read | Understanding and managing children's misbehaviour

When a child does not behave favourably what should a parent do to correct them?

We cannot expect that they will always listen to us. Raising a toddler is not as simple as walking on a red carpet. We have to manage between making them listen and accepting their wishes. Like, I don't like her eating chocolates but sometimes when she is around someone who is having chocolate, I let her have a little. We cannot restrict everything all the time.

How does a negative atmosphere affect a toddler?

There are several types of negative atmosphere. Sometimes when I have health issues and pay less attention to her, she starts getting affected. She keeps thinking about why I am avoiding her and why I won't pay attention to her. These negative emotions go through her mind. In some homes, parents fight all the time and that can also negatively affect a toddler. They don't understand why these things happen. I have read that children can get depressed even before they can start to speak. Parents' psychology, financial conditions at home, health complications, etc can affect a child. It's not necessary that rich parents would have smarter and happier kids. I have seen children from small households growing up happy and healthy. I used to be a teacher and one day I found a student crying. When I spoke to her I realised that she was depressed because her parents keep fighting at home. The child was in the 2nd standard and hardly 5-6 years old. She said she doesn't want to go home. Imagine a child as young as she has started developing depression.

So it's very important to create a safe space in your home for your children.

Children need to be in a safe and secure environment. Setting up boundaries around the child also helps in creating a safe space for children. They start to feel secure because their parents are happy. 

So a child derives their peace of mind from their atmosphere at home.

Yes, children can detect a change in tones and understand that something is wrong in their house. 

How important is it to teach a child to act favourably in a social situation?

That is a big question. Kids love having tantrums all time. We always interact with our kids first before going somewhere. We instruct them not to disturb us in any way and to listen to us. I started teaching her at a very young age that she needs to behave favourably. She is a queen in the house but she knows that when we go somewhere she needs to behave better. Last week we went to a house party. She spotted a can of cold drink and was waiting for me to give her permission so that she can grab it. We also have to teach them that they will get a share of what their parents are having. When everyone is doing something except her, she will feel isolated.

How do you teach them how to speak?

My child has only started to speak recently. She is starting to learn to say her name. I just keep asking her over and over again. Sometimes she places a hand on her chest to point at herself and just say "ka….". She sometimes runs away to avoid answering questions. Still, I kept asking her. I tricked her into saying her name by pointing to her blanket and asking her who it belonged to. The first two days she was quiet but then she started to say her name. The trick is to keep repeating everything while teaching them. Children learn from seeing things. I use common objects like apples to help her learn words. I don't make it too difficult for her but take slow steps in teaching her. Many parents pressurise their kids into learning things faster. I feel like they'll learn in their time. Another mantra for me is "calm down and let them enjoy life". I believe that in time they will learn from their own experiences.

We would like to conclude with that. Do you have any last message for our viewers?

My best advice for raising a toddler will be that you need to keep repeating everything. The more you repeat the more results you will get. Communication also plays a big role in parenting. We need to be mindful of our language, tone, etc. Toddlers' minds are sharp enough to learn five languages by the age of five years. They are very perceptive and we need to regulate our own behaviour to make them act favourably. The best education can be given by parents. The last thing that I would like to say is that toddlers are going to have tantrums. They are young and it's our duty to calm them down.