The Art Of Saying No Without Saying No

Do you find that you're not getting an effective response from your kid; that you keep losing your calm and lash out or just give in to their demands; that you're in a never-ending battle of egos with your little one; that the best way to define your relationship with them is one filled with conflicts and confrontations. 

If most of your communication with your child hinges on negative and disciplinary communication, then that might lead to the corruption of your relationship with them. An overindulgence with the word no could very well lead you down this path. 

We're not recommending you to never use no or to let your child run amok, all we're suggesting is to learn the art of saying NO by following these few tips:

1. Show compassion and empathy.

Our goal here is to shape an independent, self-functioning individual who is full of initiative and can make good decisions themselves. This is possible only when we treat them with dignity. 

Start by acknowledging their feelings and providing them with the necessary explanations when you want to stop certain behavior or actions of theirs. Present them with options so they feel that they do have a certain autonomy. 

2. Take preventative actions.

Do not let occasions arise where you would have to say no to your child. Provide them with disclaimers before a tricky situation arises. Situations such as passing by the candy aisle, going to a toy store, or being around a lot of fragile items. Set up a kid-friendly house where you wouldn't need to limit your kid's intrinsic curiosity and sense of adventure. Boundaries can be set and understanding ensured by asking what and how questions to them. 

3. Providing positive reinforcements.

When misbehaving, don't feed into their attention mongering frenzies, but just give them the time to calm down and then swoop in with praise and appreciation on this sincere approach of theirs. Let healthy communication channels be open between the two of you. Your tone should be neutral and non-judgmental towards them so that you can validate their feelings.

4. Let someone else be the bad guy.

Instead of you taking the hit for always being the bad guy in your child's eye, let someone else take the hit. It could be an authority figure from your child's life such as their teacher, older cousin/relative, the watchman, or even some fictional character. Use these examples when you want your child to stop misbehaving.

5. Put them in charge.

Empathy is a two-way street. To get them to understand what's wrong with their behavior, shift the power dynamic and let them be the one in charge. Ask them if they'd allow that pattern of behavior in their younger cousins, pets, or imaginary playthings such as dolls and stuffed toys.

The primary goal is to get your child's cooperation to help ease your parenting load. Being a consistent role model for behavior is of major significance. 

Stay Tuned, Stay Relevant!