Some Tips on How to Deal with Lying in Children

Lying is a serious behaviour which needs to be addressed to help your child become a strong individual. Lying somewhere indicates a lack of trust in the other person. Instead of reacting to your child with anger, there are ways to respond that can help bring her back to being honest with you. Here are some ways to respond to a child that will build trust between both of you. 

1. Understand their perspective: When your child is talking to you about something ( a fight he had with a friend/snatching a snack from another’s tiffin), understand that she had her own reasons for acting that way. Acknowledge that she is right from her perspective. Your child will be more open to your feedback when she knows that you see her point of view.

2. Respond according to the child’s age: Children go through different developmental stages that we need to keep in mind. When your three-year-old says, ’My friend is really mean. He did not share his candy with me”. Understand that she is upset at not having got a candy (understandable for a three-year-old) and is expressing her frustration. Acknowledging her disappointment, and explaining to her why it is not right to describe her friend as mean will teach her to use her words carefully next time. But it is different when a ten-year-old, says he finished homework when in reality, he did not. He is aware that he not telling the truth. 

3. Keep an eye on the various ways in which your child communicates: Read the child’s body language, facial expressions and moods to understand what she is trying to communicate but is unable to verbally. 

4. Stay connected: Making a child feel connected, loved and wanted goes a long way in ensuring they are truthful to you. 

5. Lead by example: Children emulate their parents, adults and caretakers. If you do not practice what you preach, the child will not be able to see the wrong in lying. Ensure that you don’t speak small, seemingly harmless, white lies. Ensure elders and caretakers around don’t do so too. 

6. Teach responsibility: Teach your child that as she grows up, she gets more freedom to do things her way. But that comes with certain responsibilities. Lying will make people lose trust in her and people will not believe her even when she speaks the truth. 

7. Respond calmly: Do not react: Screaming at your child will only make them wary of telling the truth next time because they are scared of your reactions. Always respond calmly to the situation. If you find anger building up, then it is better to tell her that you will talk about this later when you are more in control of your emotions. It will help your child understand that she never needs to be scared of your response. Also, how she needs to respond when she is upset with someone. 

8. Build the value of honesty: Use incidents to instil the value of honesty in them. Teach them that people who are honest are brave. 

9. Let them know you depend on them for the truth: Tell her that you rely on her for telling the truth. Apologize anytime you have been dishonest. It’s a growth path for both of you. 

10.  Separate the person from the lie:  When you find your child lying, deal with the lying but don’t call your child a liar. Address the mistake of lying without naming the child as bad. It helps the child know that you love her irrespective of her actions and encourages her to display her integrity to you always. 

As your child grows older, you can build sensitivity into them by teaching that we always need to be honest yet sensitive to what the other person is prepared to hear. 

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