The topic for today’s live session is the parenting strategy for raising twin kids together.
Before starting with the live show, ma’am, I would love to tell you about what Ezyschooling does. Ezyschooling is a company that is presently working with 150 schools to make their admissions process simpler. Besides that, we have a parents’ community with us. We help them, guide them, and give them tips about all the issues related to parenting. Our founder, Mr. Mayank Jain, has created a network of more than fifteen thousand parents and interacts with them regularly.
Well, I’m a parenting and lifestyle blogger, and I actually belong to the field of education. I have been a teacher in the past, and I have worked as a language trainer and English language teacher in a secondary school. But, post parenthood, I had quite a full-time job, and now I’m into freelance writing and doing more work from home.
Eventually, I started blogging, and I’m right now blogging for the past 3 years; more than 3 years actually. I’m also the author of the E-book A to Z of parenting twins.
And my twin kids are four years old. I have a boy and a girl, Aarav, and Aarohi. And they are four and a half years old in fact, they are turning five very soon. They are very naughty!
Of course, I wasn’t expecting, in fact, neither I nor my husband. It was less of a surprise and more of a shock. Because we didn’t know how to react, or you know, what to do in a situation like that. I was a little bit nervous because whenever you think of twins or twin pregnancy and its symptoms, you always have this thing (ki bohot complicated hoga).
how will the twin pregnancy things unfold?
I remember my first question to the doctor was not about, (twins hai, kaise hai) what kind of twins, they are fraternal or identical or whatever, like my question was, “how safe is that? (Ye risky toh nhi hai?”) And the Doctor was like, “Congratulations first, you should be happy about this.”
But, yeah, it was a lot of nervousness initially, and I had a very tough pregnancy, all through nine months. So, the entire focus during the pregnancy was just to have two healthy babies (Usse jyada humne nhi socha). we should have two healthy babies and that should solve our purpose for now.
Actually, I have been working from home for quite a long time, like it’s not just because of this lockdown. I have been doing it for the past three and a half years. So, I’m pretty used to it now. The only thing that works for us is that I follow a routine, a very strict routine for myself and my twins. Strict routine means, I try to follow it rigorously. And over the years, my work routine in such a way that it kind of revolves around kids’ routines.
So, their nap time, their sleep time, the time when they used to go to school, or now when they are having their classes or something. I utilize that time for myself, for my work, especially the afternoon time when they are sleeping or napping for like one or one and a half-hour. And the other time when they are playing, having fun at home, or they are with me, I try to do my house chores and all.
I try to only do my work or my blog-related things when they are either busy with something or they are asleep. Like I don’t try to mix the two things because I know, it’s not possible in such a scenario when you are working from home and you have to handle babies. So the first thing that actually works for me is to go by a routine.
Yes Definitely! Before the lockdown, they had a very nice routine where they would go to school, for 2-3 hours, come back, take a nap, and in the evening they were again out for some activities or something. And I would have like two hours in the morning, two hours in the afternoon, two hours in the evening.
Now, of course, things have changed a lot, as they don’t step out of the house. But, within the house also, they are busy with some of the other things. I like to utilize that time when they are busy. Because for me it’s very difficult to multitask. If they are around, I can’t focus on my work. So, I keep them busy first, and then I try to do my work.
Honestly, with twins, things never get easy. Maybe, it becomes a little easier when they grow, the first year is very difficult. After the first or second year, things become a little easier because they can eat on their own, they can express themselves, they don’t need to be in your lap, all the time. But, different kinds of challenges arise. I think things never get easier with twins, it’s just that we learn to handle those things.
We as parents learn the trick, we become habitual of handling. Like, initially, for the first year, it was very difficult to hold the babies together, feed them together, or like, they would do everything together. So, it used to become very difficult for me to pay attention to both of them.
But, eventually, I learned how to do it, how to keep one busy when I’m doing something with the other child. I think we learn the tricks of the trait, parents grow up; for kids, things really don’t change. They need us, not like, they don’t need us physically now when they are 3-4 years old, they need us emotionally. They need us to be with them, constantly talk to them, or you know, provide that kind of support. So, even if they grow independent.
Certainly, a lot of things do change after the first two years, like as I said, they learn to eat on their own, they express themselves better.
They learn to, you know, kind of change their clothes on their own. So, a lot of things, you feel like there are a lot of burdens that are off your shoulders now, that you don’t have to take care of these things. But, there are lots of other things that arise, and you need to take care of them. But, you as a parent, grow a lot over the years, and you learn how to handle things.
As I said, I have a boy and a girl, and they are two different personalities and interests, and I think it’s not just about gender, even if I would have had two boys or two girls, still they would have been very different. I mean, we do fun at home (hamare ghar me, ek ko daal pasand hai toh ek ko roti pasand hai). Like both of them can’t eat the same meal together. One eats half and the other eats half.
Certainly, it makes a lot of difference, and we need to think and cater to the interests of both the kids. My son is interested in sports and vehicle toys, airplanes, cars, and all. And he also enjoys art and drawing. On the other side my daughter is more into music, dance, she likes more creativity than him.
So, I try (ki mai in dono ko unki individual activities main engage karu) I don’t try to force them into something which they don’t like. Before the lockdown, they were going for some activities which were like art, craft, dance, music, and all. They were enjoying it, but now I see that their interest is changing, so, I probably have to put them apart in different streams where there are hobby classes and all, where they would enjoy.
Other than that, even at home, you know, it’s actually a good thing because it’s a way to teach them how to understand or respect the other person’s individuality.
Like my son; for example, TV shows, they don’t like the same TV show. So, every time they go to watch TV, there’s always got into a fight, (ki mera show lagega, and Meera show lagega!). They can’t just sit through each other’s show. So, I give them turns, like okay, first one will watch his show, and then you have to sit and watch it, and then after 10 minutes, your show will begin. One episode each, something like that we do at home. So, it’s a way to teach them also, how to acknowledge and embrace the other person’s choices also.
Otherwise, one would either get neglected or would be forced into doing something which is not of his or her interest.
Definitely, as twins, they do share a special bond, like both, my son and daughter. They have a very close bond which is very different from what they share with us as parents. In fact, they are very quick to defend each other. So, if I’m scolding one child, the other one will immediately come to defend the first one. Or even if they are having a fight, and I scold one of them, the other one will quickly say “no Mumma, don’t scold,” like “It's okay!”.
So, they definitely have that connection, you know, they share a special bond. But it’s not exactly like, there’s no unnatural connection or telepathy sort. It’s nothing like that movie- Judwaa, which we all have seen. It’s more because they have a special connection, they live with each other 24/7, they share a special bond, they have been together since, they were in my womb.
So, it’s because of that strong bond. But there is no telepathy or unnatural connection between twins. It’s just a myth! They definitely have a very strong bond, but, it’s a myth that you know, this telepathy thing is a myth, that’s not true.
I think a father’s role is very important, not just in the case of twins, but generally also, in like, raising a child. And it’s like, something you can’t do without, in a regular situation. With twins, all the more because you have two kids to take care of or support. So, in fact, it’s not just with the father in the case of twins, you need support of any kind, be it from your extended family members, your parents, your in-laws, or if you don’t have them around, then maybe, you know the nanny, having a nanny or something like that.
You definitely need that support, especially for the first year. Because they are too young and you need to like, from diapering to bathing, to feeding, everything has to be done. So, it’s very difficult for the mother to do it all alone. So, you need that support, especially from the father because that’s the time when fathers can also learn things and bond with the child from the start.
So, in my case, you know, my husband has been pretty active, even now he is very active all through. And, first-year I remembered, when I would feed one child, he would bottle feed the other. we would divide the things like that. Even now, we have divided duties, like, if I’m sitting through their online class in the morning, he makes sure that he helps them with the homework, or he reads the storybooks for them in the night, after, his work and all is finished.
So, you have to kind of divide responsibilities with your partner in this way. And more so in the case of twins because you have two kids to cater to and it’s very difficult for one person just to take all the responsibility that way.
I would just say that parenting is a very beautiful stage, especially, now due to this lockdown. we really got to spend a lot of time with our kids. We have our good days, we have our bad days, be it a single child, be it, twins, be it, two kids of different ages. we have to mix both good and bad. So, just like, enjoy the good days, learn from the bad days, and have fun during this time. I mean, these are the years that will never come back. So, have fun and enjoy your time with kids.
I’m sure that the parents out there. They have just learned a lot today. So, thank you so much Ezyschooling.