The Complete Guide to Equal Parenting

Raising children isn’t a duty to be fulfilled solely by a mother, but a responsibility that is to be equally shared by both the parents. A mother and a father play different roles in the upbringing of a child. Along with the new phase of parenthood comes the pressure of managing the house, taking care of the family members as well as working to earn a livelihood.

Gone are the days where men are supposed to go to work while women have to balance career and kids together. A life where you don’t have to be the only bread earner or restricted within the house to just take care of children and the house; you don’t have to be a part of someone’s decision but together make decisions for the child and the family as a whole, where you know that you will be doing everything but not bearing the pressure all alone, that’s equal parenting. It goes beyond just taking care of kids together.

When is the right time to start equal parenting?

There is no right time to start parenting equally. It begins from day 1 of entering parenthood. After delivery, mothers go through a lot of struggle, and taking care of the baby also requires efforts. So, this phase itself embarks your journey of sharing parenthood.

There’s no parent who doesn’t love to enjoy experiencing their child’s first moments and watch them grow up. But what about the parts which require all the efforts? Starting from the endless crying, feeding, changing diapers to handling tantrums and helping in studies, mothers have to manage the tough part all by themselves. The fathers should also give it a shot, initially with the little things, and then gradually taking up responsibilities.

Rewritten rules of parenting:

• Plan upon the things that are to be divided.
• Roles and duties should not be fixed to one parent.
• Infants tend to wake up in the middle of the night so swapping sleeping hours can help both get proper and good sleep.
• Once the child starts going to school, divide the subjects among yourselves that are to be taught.
• Try to be flexible with your working hours, especially when the child is small and needs proper care, love, and attention of both the parents.
• Split up household chores and keep switching them to avoid facing boredom.
• Take it one step at a time, so that slowly you can adjust in this new role and adapt to its ways.
• Get involved equally in your child's life to make them feel comfortable and open to both of you.
• Lastly, enjoy working and managing things together rather than feeling that this as a burden.

Such collaborative efforts not only reduce pressure and stress from one person’s shoulders but also helps in breaking gender stereotypes. Studies have shown that equal parenting helps in reducing the chances of postpartum depression which is commonly seen in new mothers. Kids are also benefited as what they see right from their childhood, eventually becomes normal for them in the future. This will help them once they step into adulthood.

If your child has crossed the stage of being a toddler and you wish to start dividing the roles at this point in time, even then it can be done. It doesn’t matter if one starts from the beginning or whenever they realize this truth of equal parenting, as it’s never too late to mend things. Talk to your partner about the problems you're facing, why you require their support, and not to forget to discuss this change in routine with your child too as they need to know what’s happening so that there is no disruption while trying to coordinate.

How is equal parenting useful for children?

In addition to benefiting parents in sharing responsibilities, this is also beneficial for the children as they get to spend some quality time with each parent, and in the process develop a good and healthy bond as well. Being in regular contact with both the parents makes the child open to discussions, sharing problems, asking for solutions, and guidance from them.

Nowadays, teenagers tend to find help from outsiders who may give wrong suggestions which in turn might harm the child, but if that help is found at home then there won’t be any need to look elsewhere.

If one of the parents is not in a state to have a conversation with or assist the child in any way, they can seek help from the other parent without any hesitation or thinking twice, as they already have a good level of understanding and attachment with both of them.

Barriers to equal parenting and how to overcome them:

• This is a somewhat new way of parenting for the older generation to accept and so it may lead to problems. But trying to make them understand its necessity and importance might work as a way out. Make them learn that two heads are better than one.
• One of the partners may not be able to do things in a manner the other does or maybe worse than them at a particular thing. In such situations try to be accepting and understanding of the fact that they are at least trying their best in lending you a helping hand and appreciate their efforts. Avoid being a critic and judging them for not doing certain things perfectly.  
• The narrow-minded society might criticize you when you go unconventional but show them how both of you can ace in raising kids through this way.

It has always been challenging when someone goes against the traditional norms but this challenge will only help grow a healthy family life. What others think should not come in the way of your priorities. Many Indian households have started adapting to this way and now even you should go ahead with it. Remember, it’s never too late to start something!