Do you often wonder why your child is misbehaving even though you provide them with everything they crave and ask of you?
You try to involve yourself in each aspect of your child's life, to let them know that you're there for them at every step of the way. You try to be a friend to them rather than an authoritarian parent and they still talk back to you and even throw your way temper tantrums.
You provide them with everything they desire and don't burden them with any rules or chores to do; your goal is to let them be free and have the best time of their life, so discipline takes a backseat.
These might be signs of you being an overly permissive parent. This overindulgence in their life could have as serious consequences as being neglectful. A few repercussions that might follow them into adulthood are:
1. Materialistic tendencies.
They don't value what they have and are greedy for more. They believe there to be a link between net worth and self-worth and try to fill their void with goods. They expect happiness to stem from these objects. These tendencies lead to discontent in life as peace of mind and inner tranquillity are not achieved.
2. Lacks the experience to live in the real world.
Being mollycoddled all their life, they don't know how to deal with responsibility. They share a faulty worldview and do not have a realistic picture of the outside world. They aren't self-reliant and independent. Having jobs where criticisms and expectations are frequent and high, are too much for them to handle. This makes them susceptible to crack and have a breakdown when under pressure.
3. They are indifferent to the society and environment.
A self-centered and narcissistic adult showers others with nothing but apathy. Their needs take priority over those of the majority, owing to their sense of privilege and entitlement. This toxic attitude and vanity can disrupt one's reputation in the eyes of society and become a hurdle in maintaining interpersonal relationships.
4. Lacking emotional maturity.
Poor self-control can lead to a tendency of overeating and overspending, in order to find immediate gratification. They have a dysfunctional mindset where they have a hard time acknowledging their negative thoughts and feelings; lacking the dexterity to properly process them. Their dysfunctional psychology can cause severe depression, isolation, and loneliness in life.
This style of over-permissive parenting is very prevalent at the moment. There are a few factors that tend to make a parent follow this philosophy of parenting:
1. Guilt and shame on not being able to spend time with them.
The primary reason for the emergence of overindulgence parenting is hidden in feelings of guilt and remorse. Every parent wants to spend time with their children and be present for every tiny and large milestone in their lives. But due to the competitive job environment outside, they are forced to spend most of their time working and cannot devote enough time to the development of their child. This makes them cave into every demand, as they can’t stand disappointing their kid.
2. Trying to give them the childhood they never had.
Our current generation is blessed with comforts and luxuries that the previous generation could never even dream access to. Parents want to bless their children with all these luxuries that they never had. They want their life to be full of joy and happiness, without having to face the hardships they had to endure. But they often overextend in this practice. Providing comfort is one thing, but not giving them the opportunity to fail and learn from their mistakes is a recipe for disaster.
3. Want to avoid conflict at all costs.
Nobody likes to get into arguments and fights with their children. The entire process can be draining and excruciatingly annoying. Thus, it’s natural to avoid such disagreements, but giving them a completely free reign to do as they please will only lead to you raising spoiled children. There’s also the fear of your child losing their affection and love towards you if you keep nagging them. This fear although rational, can be addressed when you realize that your motives are pure and that your child will realize this, sooner or later.
Here's what we can do to make sure we're not overindulging them:
1. Distinguish between needs and wants.
Fulfilling their needs and providing for them is the job of every parent, but feeding into every desire of theirs, is setting them up for failure. Not meeting their every want can teach them about patience, tolerance, and make them more grateful by making them find satisfaction with a minimalistic approach.
2. Allow them to learn from their mistakes.
To err is human, and we are the by-products of our multiple failures. Our personality is honed by the way we actually choose to overcome these shortcomings of life. To not give them a chance to fail, is to not give them a chance to grow and develop.
3. Cooperation between parents is important.
If one parent is strict and the other over-nurturing, then that too leads to imbalances in the life of the child. They start to crave for the lenient parent and resent the stern one. This is unfair on the parent who is trying to establish order in the life of the child but takes the brunt of the child’s dislike. Both the parents should be on the same wavelength.
4. Set a proper structure.
You need to shift from being too lenient to having set proper boundaries for the kids to adhere to. Let there be a routine surrounded by chores and activities for their development. Let them have a go at getting their hands dirty. An orthodox approach of blood, sweat, and tears might be apt in this case.
It is every parent’s impulse to protect their child from all the adversities out there. But it is unreasonable to expect to be able to always be there for them. So instead, provide them with a support system that can help them deal with obstacles on their own.
Stay Tuned, Stay Relevant!