Mom’s Heartfelt Post On Dealing With Kids In Distress Is An Important Parenting Lesson

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Nimisha Paul
4 years ago
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Children tend to go through emotional upheaval, anxiety and stress as they grow older. Many of them are not able to express their thoughts clearly and understandably so, given their young age.

For a parent, it might be difficult and even frustrating at times to tackle their child’s bad moods, and they may end up scolding kids. But according to blogger and mother Jessica Martin-Weber, instead of getting angry, parents should be more compassionate and patient with their kids.

In a long social media post, the mother acknowledged that children sometimes “act out” or “misbehave” or become “rebellious” but that’s mostly because “they lack the skills to handle and talk about, or unsure how to express, or do not feel safe to explain”.

Jessica went on to talk about one such incident where her nine-year-old daughter became “explosive and mean”. “I asked her if she knew why she was grumpy, she snapped that she wasn’t grumpy. Realizing my mistake I apologised for telling her what she felt instead of asking her what she felt. Requesting a do-over, I asked her if she wanted to talk about anything. She growled that it was nothing. I gently reminded her that I wouldn’t let her treat anyone meanly and she needed to be sure she was communicating with love and respect,” she wrote.

Instead of losing patience, the mother took a more positive approach to deal with the situation. “For the next 10 minutes, I told her any time I saw her that I love her and that she could tell me anything. Every time she told me she was fine. Which is definitely code for ‘I’m not fine but don’t know what I want to do with it yet’,” she shared.

Jessica recalled, “When we passed again, I stopped and asked her if she would like a hug. She paused without looking at me and we both waited in limbo while she processed her own needs. Almost reluctantly, she said ok and moved closer. I wrapped my arms around her, kissed her head, and told her I love her. Her arms tightened around me. I decided to go on, telling her she is special and important to me and I care about her feelings. Nothing will make me stop loving you, I told her, and the world is a better place with you in it. She buried her face in me and I reminded her once again that she could tell me anything and because she is important to me I want to know how she is feeling and what is the matter when something was bothering her.”

Jessica’s daughter finally expressed she was jealous her older sister had playdates while she did not. “All summer and most of the previous school year, she has struggled in her friendships. Her sisters have many friends, her friendship circle is much smaller…At the moment as I held her, I decided not to offer any solutions. I wasn’t sure I had any anyway. What I could do was care about how she was feeling, validate her pain, hold space for her to process, and support her in working through it. This wasn’t mine to fix, it was mine to support,” the mother explained. Soon, her daughter was back in her usual happy mood.

Dealing with your child’s mood swings

A child’s mood swings may be difficult to handle but they are normal, characteristic development in a child’s life. The child is equally disturbed in such cases, which is why parents need to be empathetic and understanding and support their child in every way they can.

This, of course, does not mean your child can get away with any unacceptable behaviour like using bad language or speaking rudely. As you support your child, it is also important to explain and set boundaries for them, without being unnecessarily critical or judgmental.

Source: The Indian Express

 

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